I recently started “dating” again. It’s weird I haven’t really talked to or dated someone in about 3 years. It has been forever, I know. Like I said in my Soulmates post, God has removed and blocked a lot of men from my path over the years. So I haven’t had the chance to “practice” dating in a while. So with that, I’ve realized some things about myself that I don’t tolerate any more and some things I may still need to change.
I stopped writing this to take the love language test. In order Acts of Service (11), Receiving Gifts (10), Quality Time (6), Words of Affirmation (3), Physical Touch (0). I told my friend my results, after I cackled at Physical Touch… 0. It’s not that I don’t like to be touched because I do… I love hugs, kisses and all of that. But like 90% of the questions were about public displays of affection and that I’m not a fan of. Holding hands, hugs and a kiss I’m cool with making out in public… but in the words of my friend Kamilah B “Nah son”. It’s interesting to see how the other categories ranked. They actually make so much sense, I would love my husband to plan my birthday so I don’t have to, Gifts, bring me my favorite food just because, seamless orders are great displays of affection lol. I’ve noticed as it has been for all my dating life… I require a lot of attention so Quality Time makes sense. It’s not that I have to see you all the time but texts and calls are very important.
I’ve learned that I no longer go off words alone but there must be actions behind them. I think this factors into my results as well, less about what you say and more about what you do. I saw a post a while back that said: “Inaction is still an action.” It resonated with me so greatly. There’s always action that comes with someone who wants to be with you, always. The action may come in the form of any of the love languages but there will be some form of action.
Consistency is also very key. I’m always like “Keep up the pace of how things started.” I put up a post on my Instagram a while back talking about how I don’t like change and that’s the same in relationships. I’m very aware life happens so things may change for a little bit but then they should resume business as usual right? 🤷🏾♀️ With that said I’m working to not be upset when things do change and not jump to conclusions so quickly because your girl can be an Olympic jumper at times. I will say my trust levels have completely changed before I would think “Oh is he with some other girl.” Now it’s not the case, it’s more of ” Maybe we don’t have the connection I thought we did.”
I’m also working on not falling too quickly. In the past, I’ve gone from 0 to 100 real quick. This time around I’m taking it one day at a time. I’ve set my expectations low, expectations not standards. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”― Donald Miller I’m tired f being disappointed when people fall short of expectations they have no idea that I’ve set. With that, I make sure to let my standards be known. Communication is key if I don’t say anything how will anyone know?
Even though I haven’t dated in a while, this has been very eye-opening. Revealing things I’ve worked on, still, need to work on and have stayed the same. I’m proud of my growth and look forward to seeing how God grows me even more. Are you dating? How’s it going? Do you see a difference in how you are now in relationships versus how you were in past relationships?
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