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So I’m Dating…

I recently started “dating” again. It’s weird I haven’t really talked to or dated someone in about 3 years. It has been forever, I know. Like I said in my Soulmates post, God has removed and blocked a lot of men from my path over the years. So I haven’t had the chance to “practice” dating in a while. So with that, I’ve realized some things about myself that I don’t tolerate any more and some things I may still need to change.

I stopped writing this to take the love language test. In order Acts of Service (11), Receiving Gifts (10), Quality Time (6), Words of Affirmation (3), Physical Touch (0). I told my friend my results, after I cackled at Physical Touch… 0. It’s not that I don’t like to be touched because I do… I love hugs, kisses and all of that. But like 90% of the questions were about public displays of affection and that I’m not a fan of. Holding hands, hugs and a kiss I’m cool with making out in public… but in the words of my friend Kamilah B “Nah son”. It’s interesting to see how the other categories ranked. They actually make so much sense, I would love my husband to plan my birthday so I don’t have to, Gifts, bring me my favorite food just because, seamless orders are great displays of affection lol. I’ve noticed as it has been for all my dating life… I require a lot of attention so Quality Time makes sense. It’s not that I have to see you all the time but texts and calls are very important.

I’ve learned that I no longer go off words alone but there must be actions behind them. I think this factors into my results as well, less about what you say and more about what you do. I saw a post a while back that said: “Inaction is still an action.” It resonated with me so greatly. There’s always action that comes with someone who wants to be with you, always. The action may come in the form of any of the love languages but there will be some form of action.

Consistency is also very key. I’m always like “Keep up the pace of how things started.” I put up a post on my Instagram a while back talking about how I don’t like change and that’s the same in relationships. I’m very aware life happens so things may change for a little bit but then they should resume business as usual right? 🤷🏾‍♀️ With that said I’m working to not be upset when things do change and not jump to conclusions so quickly because your girl can be an Olympic jumper at times. I will say my trust levels have completely changed before I would think “Oh is he with some other girl.” Now it’s not the case, it’s more of ” Maybe we don’t have the connection I thought we did.”

I’m also working on not falling too quickly. In the past, I’ve gone from 0 to 100 real quick. This time around I’m taking it one day at a time.  I’ve set my expectations low, expectations not standards. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”― Donald Miller I’m tired f being disappointed when people fall short of expectations they have no idea that I’ve set. With that, I make sure to let my standards be known. Communication is key if I don’t say anything how will anyone know?

Even though I haven’t dated in a while, this has been very eye-opening. Revealing things I’ve worked on, still, need to work on and have stayed the same. I’m proud of my growth and look forward to seeing how God grows me even more. Are you dating? How’s it going? Do you see a difference in how you are now in relationships versus how you were in past relationships?

PC Denton Taylor

Shirt H&M | Shorts Vintage | Shoes TopShop | Bag Lena Erziak | Hat Goorin Bros | Earrings Vintage

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Celibacy

As I come up on 5 years of being celibate, don’t know the exact date, I’m reflecting on why I went celibate and the covenant I made with God when I did. First I can’t believe that it’s been 5 years, in a “wow time flies” way and a “bring on the husband Jesus” way lol. I won’t say that it’s easy being celibate but I think God has helped me and protected me a long the way.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 There are a lot of scriptures that talk about sex being meant for a husband and a wife and I feel that God reveals to us in time through His word and our revelation what is right in His eyes. In the beginning of my last relationship I didn’t think much of premarital sex, I thought like most it was an “outdated” practice. During that relationship God revealed to me that it was not an “outdated” practice and that every word in His book rings true today as it did when it was written. So, I spoke to my then boyfriend and we decided to be celibate. It didn’t quite work because as you can imagine it was hard to be celibate with someone I already had sex with and we were also living together. So I celibacy was very on and off. So once we broke up I decided my next relationship would start off with celibacy. It would be easier to not know what I was missing, not tempt myself to easily fall back into old patterns and old ways. I wanted to honor God in my next relationship by putting Him first and honoring His word.  Continue reading Celibacy

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Soul Mates

The last few weeks I’ve had several conversations about the concept of soul mates. Some of them have actually gone differently than they have in the past. They actually believe in soul mates. most times I’ve met with “That’s just insane” or “How could you believe there’s only one person out there for you?” for the record I believe in soul mates. So much so that I believe God predestined me to be with one man in heaven and He may or may not have made me from His rib. At this point you may or may not think I’m crazy and I understand that totally but just hear me out.

Continue reading Soul Mates

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Why I'm Still Single

Last night I got asked, “Why don’t you ever have a man?” And honestly there’s no simple answer to that other than, “I’m waiting on God’s best.” He isn’t perfect he’s just perfect for me. I made a pact with God after my last relationship and said “I don’t want to date until the one you have for me is revealed.” Needless to say I didn’t think that I’d be still #LivingSingle 5 years later. On this journey of waiting and working I have realized a few things.

Raven Roberts Blogger New York Continue reading Why I'm Still Single